求大神批改雅思10 test2 大作文谢谢
- 请大神修改一篇雅思大作文！！谢谢啦！
- 这周考雅思！求各大神批改作文！就一篇而已，谢谢！TAT（可以的话给个分数再改耶.谢谢！！）
- 雅思作文批改，谢谢！最好顺便能给个大体分数！
- 求助高手帮忙批改下雅思作文，多谢！
请大神修改一篇雅思大作文！！谢谢啦！
这篇文章你用一边倒的方式还更好，倒数第二段的论证其实反而弱化了你的立场。当然，要保留第二段的话也有一个技巧，你可以以退为进。把它放在第一段或者第二段。 逻辑可表达为：虽然有些人认为学习语言的文化背景和生活方式没必要，因为。。。。。。，我还是倾向于认为。。。。。理由如下：
论证的部分，你的力度一般，而且有些重复。比如你第二段第二个点是"more quickly”，第三点又是“efficiency"，更快，和效率，这本身有重复的嫌疑。也就是说如果在找点上如果差别不是那么明确的话，还不如合二为一。 还有为了增加论证的力度，你除了用例证之外， 还可以用反证法。
单词/语法/句式结构难度上，一般，语法错误不算多，（第二段中，during 是个介词，后面不能直接加完整的句子）但词汇和句式结构上也没什么亮点
综上：应该是5.5分左右。最高6，低可为5.
这周考雅思！求各大神批改作文！就一篇而已，谢谢！TAT（可以的话给个分数再改耶.谢谢！！）
1. 题目改写问题，用词太多重复如die out可换成extinct/obsolete, easier to understood,这些没换词。。。可以考虑下换
2. least people其实可以换成别的词。。。或直接换成lesser-known languages.....
3. AS 这个词。。就用了3次（主要是句型没变换）。。。可以考虑下换回beacause,或者因果颠倒下用therefore/thus.
4. communcate easierly...这个也可以考虑换下。。那个easierly...
5. 然后那个however，后面说的会造成什么问题，最好也说一下。。。略讲也可以
6. different languages可以和language diversity交替来使用。。。。
分数的话。。我很难说，如果没看到马可波罗那个例子，我会给5.5.。。。。不过有了的话。。估计是6或者6.5，具体就看别的部分你的阐述是否完整而且符合题意。
雅思作文批改，谢谢！最好顺便能给个大体分数！
文章写得完整。句子段落清楚。绝大多数词汇使用正确。但有些句子结构不够严紧，前后联系不紧密。有些地方表达不清。
整体尚有许多地方需改进。按雅思作文标准，估计可以得4.5-5.0分。
1. 'for example, from the mess media to the cultural values' the example has nothing to do with the previous statement. mess media and cultural don't form a contrast pair at this place.
2.'there is a heated discussion....' it is better to use 'there have been heated discussions...'
3.'to the needy country' Globalization's impact has not been limited to only certain countries.
4.'communication by international media' it is better to use 'the expansion of international media'
5.'an negative impacts' impact is normally negative so you don't need negative here. 'an...impacts' is wrong, s should be deleted.
6. 'This notion can be rejected as one can see many facts in favor of the development by international media' is not clear.???
7. International media is good for the culture of one nation. what does this mean?
8.'with the help of it' it is better to use 'with its help' please use simple English;
9.'by sorts of terms' what is the meaning of this ?
10.'Even sometimes the information or messages are similar, but the...' 'Even... but is incorrect;
11.'of other unique culture' is not needed;
12. 'the USA make full use of the advanced media to spread the American’s culture' It is better to use' the USA have taken advantage of the advance media to promote American culture';
13.'to get touch with the spirit of American' 'to get in touch with the American spirit'
14.'just like American Dream' is not needed here;
15.'abandoning domestic culture' better to use '..... its own culture';
16.' Some international media, just like BBC and CNN,' should be '......... media companies, such as BBC and CNN...';
17. make a series of videos or movies that we can enjoy other country’s culture' better to use '.........movies by which we can enjoy....'
18.'Some people may argue that the same messages conveyed by international media will do harmful to cultural diversity. ' should be '..................will be harmful to ......';
19.'can advise their own culture to accomplish....' it is confusing; advise????
20.'... are cater to the demands from the inputted countries, which make it to advertise their culture based on the local custom' unclear message???
21.'...... it protect local culture in some terms.' it should be '....protects...to some extent'.
22. 'According to the above analysis' better to use 'in conclusion'
23.' we can clearly observe that' better to use 'it is clear....'
24. ' international media bringing...' bringing is wrong;
25.'...use of it to serve for our life' better to use '....use of it to serve our society and to improve our life.'
求助高手帮忙批改下雅思作文，多谢！
Hey, If I was a examiner, I would give you 5.
This issue is about "why universities should make it easy for rural student to study at." But you focused on the advantage of rural student entering university. You should develop your ideas based on the topic.
Besides, be careful for common mistakes and language problems.