求大神批改雅思10 test3大作文谢谢
- 这周考雅思！求各大神批改作文！就一篇而已，谢谢！TAT（可以的话给个分数再改耶.谢谢！！）
- 雅思作文,请高手批改,谢谢!
- 请大神修改一篇雅思大作文！！谢谢啦！
- 求批改雅思大作文！帮我看看能得多少分，明天就考试了！谢谢！ Detailed descriptio
这周考雅思！求各大神批改作文！就一篇而已，谢谢！TAT（可以的话给个分数再改耶.谢谢！！）
1. 题目改写问题，用词太多重复如die out可换成extinct/obsolete, easier to understood,这些没换词。。。可以考虑下换
2. least people其实可以换成别的词。。。或直接换成lesser-known languages.....
3. AS 这个词。。就用了3次（主要是句型没变换）。。。可以考虑下换回beacause,或者因果颠倒下用therefore/thus.
4. communcate easierly...这个也可以考虑换下。。那个easierly...
5. 然后那个however，后面说的会造成什么问题，最好也说一下。。。略讲也可以
6. different languages可以和language diversity交替来使用。。。。
分数的话。。我很难说，如果没看到马可波罗那个例子，我会给5.5.。。。。不过有了的话。。估计是6或者6.5，具体就看别的部分你的阐述是否完整而且符合题意。
雅思作文,请高手批改,谢谢!
Is the study of history useless? Some people’s answer is “yes” because they believe there are many disadvantages to spend time learning history. However, I can hardly agree with this opinion.
It is evident that studying history is imperative due to history’s important role in enabling people to inherit traditional culture of their countries. If the history were not studied, the related culture would be lost and people would be unaware of what had happened before. More significantly, studying history can not only make people know the past, but also help to promote today’s development. It is because that the study of history could enrich people’s experience, and therefore make them make fewer mistakes as well as avoid similar mistakes occurred in the past and thus advance faster. Lastly, there are a lot of interesting stories in history which people can enjoy in their leisure time.
Even so, I admit that there are disadvantages if people spend too much time on past stories instead of today’s problems, which directly link to our everyday life. Furthermore, it would be inappropriate if we applied old experience on the today’s problems without any changes. It is reasonable because that the situations nowadays are unparalleled so the solutions must be different from those in the past as well. Despite that, people can learn valuable knowledge from history.
To sum up, I take the view that the study of history is very essential although spending too much time on it has detrimental influences. I am convinced that studying history is helpful to the development of the society.
In my opinion, you have the points but you are lack of explanations and examples. You also need to polish your points. For instance, you said studying history can help people to inherit traditional culture of their ancestors, but what if traditional culture is not inherited and what a re the undesirable consequences? Moreover, you said there were interesting stories occurred in the past and people can enjoy the stories, this is valid however, can you give some examples?
In the third paragraph, you are giving counter-arguments and this is good. However, in the first sentence, you have to focus on the drawback of history studying instead of giving drawback of spending too much time on studying history. This mistake is also present in the first paragraph.
In conclusion, you have written a quite insightful passage with points on both sides; advantages as well as disadvantages of history studying. What you need to do is to focus on your stand and polish your points with analysis and probably examples.
请大神修改一篇雅思大作文！！谢谢啦！
这篇文章你用一边倒的方式还更好，倒数第二段的论证其实反而弱化了你的立场。当然，要保留第二段的话也有一个技巧，你可以以退为进。把它放在第一段或者第二段。 逻辑可表达为：虽然有些人认为学习语言的文化背景和生活方式没必要，因为。。。。。。，我还是倾向于认为。。。。。理由如下：
论证的部分，你的力度一般，而且有些重复。比如你第二段第二个点是"more quickly”，第三点又是“efficiency"，更快，和效率，这本身有重复的嫌疑。也就是说如果在找点上如果差别不是那么明确的话，还不如合二为一。 还有为了增加论证的力度，你除了用例证之外， 还可以用反证法。
单词/语法/句式结构难度上，一般，语法错误不算多，（第二段中，during 是个介词，后面不能直接加完整的句子）但词汇和句式结构上也没什么亮点
综上：应该是5.5分左右。最高6，低可为5.
求批改雅思大作文！帮我看看能得多少分，明天就考试了！谢谢！ Detailed descriptio
6-6.5分。
如果你这篇作文是在40分钟之内完成、没有看过任何Idea方面的提示、没有老师的指导，并且没查单词没修改的情况下完成的。那么你的考场作文，只要审题准确，不会低于6分的。
你这篇作文的前三句话都是短句，这种情况应该避免，考官曾经给出过这样的评语“ the many short, simple sentences tend to limit the range”（剑8 P166），这说明过多的短句会限制文章的得分。此外，文章的最后“by contrast, this information on media is typically negative news for parents to teach their children waht is wrong and how to protect themselves”有点难以理解。By contrast 的意思是相比之下，对比之下，有轻微转折的意思。用了这个词之后，需要表达与上文相对或相反的观点。用在这里不太合适。
还有，你的结尾怎么不完整呢，是不是没有发上来？
如果结尾偏差不是太大，并且字数够了的话，6.5分应该有的。如果遇到苛刻的考官，给6分也是有可能的。不过恕我直言，看你这篇作文的水平，在考场上拿7几乎是不可能的。