请大神批改雅思9 test3 大作文，谢谢
请帮我批改一下这篇雅思作文（剑9test3小作文）
The four pie charts reveal information on the ages of the populations in 2000 and projections for 2050 in two countries, namely Yemen and Italy.
In Yemen, the populations under 14 years old was the biggest part (50%) in2000, but it will be a sharply decrease reach 37% in 2050. On the contrary, the time from 2000 to 2050 witnessed a dramatically rise by 11% of the populations between 15 to 59 years old. Similarly, there is a smoothly increase of the population above 60 years old around 2%.
The second two charts of Italy shows the proportion of population under 14 years old is decline slightly to 11.5%. In addition, the ratio of populations which between 15 and 59 years old presents a hugely slump by 15% from 2000 to 2050. However, the rate of population above 60 years old compared with that in 2050, it is doubled.
Overall, people above 60 years old are the main populations in 2050 of Yemen. Although, in Italy the population between 15 to 59 years old occupies 46.2% in 2050,but the percentage of old people is 42.3% and more higher than that in Yemen.
改了一些错误拼写和语法
雅思作文,请高手批改,谢谢!
Is the study of history useless? Some people’s answer is “yes” because they believe there are many disadvantages to spend time learning history. However, I can hardly agree with this opinion.
It is evident that studying history is imperative due to history’s important role in enabling people to inherit traditional culture of their countries. If the history were not studied, the related culture would be lost and people would be unaware of what had happened before. More significantly, studying history can not only make people know the past, but also help to promote today’s development. It is because that the study of history could enrich people’s experience, and therefore make them make fewer mistakes as well as avoid similar mistakes occurred in the past and thus advance faster. Lastly, there are a lot of interesting stories in history which people can enjoy in their leisure time.
Even so, I admit that there are disadvantages if people spend too much time on past stories instead of today’s problems, which directly link to our everyday life. Furthermore, it would be inappropriate if we applied old experience on the today’s problems without any changes. It is reasonable because that the situations nowadays are unparalleled so the solutions must be different from those in the past as well. Despite that, people can learn valuable knowledge from history.
To sum up, I take the view that the study of history is very essential although spending too much time on it has detrimental influences. I am convinced that studying history is helpful to the development of the society.
In my opinion, you have the points but you are lack of explanations and examples. You also need to polish your points. For instance, you said studying history can help people to inherit traditional culture of their ancestors, but what if traditional culture is not inherited and what a re the undesirable consequences? Moreover, you said there were interesting stories occurred in the past and people can enjoy the stories, this is valid however, can you give some examples?
In the third paragraph, you are giving counter-arguments and this is good. However, in the first sentence, you have to focus on the drawback of history studying instead of giving drawback of spending too much time on studying history. This mistake is also present in the first paragraph.
In conclusion, you have written a quite insightful passage with points on both sides; advantages as well as disadvantages of history studying. What you need to do is to focus on your stand and polish your points with analysis and probably examples.
请大神修改一篇雅思大作文！！谢谢啦！
这篇文章你用一边倒的方式还更好，倒数第二段的论证其实反而弱化了你的立场。当然，要保留第二段的话也有一个技巧，你可以以退为进。把它放在第一段或者第二段。 逻辑可表达为：虽然有些人认为学习语言的文化背景和生活方式没必要，因为。。。。。。，我还是倾向于认为。。。。。理由如下：
论证的部分，你的力度一般，而且有些重复。比如你第二段第二个点是"more quickly”，第三点又是“efficiency"，更快，和效率，这本身有重复的嫌疑。也就是说如果在找点上如果差别不是那么明确的话，还不如合二为一。 还有为了增加论证的力度，你除了用例证之外， 还可以用反证法。
单词/语法/句式结构难度上，一般，语法错误不算多，（第二段中，during 是个介词，后面不能直接加完整的句子）但词汇和句式结构上也没什么亮点
综上：应该是5.5分左右。最高6，低可为5.
求助高手帮忙批改下雅思作文，多谢！
Hey, If I was a examiner, I would give you 5.
This issue is about "why universities should make it easy for rural student to study at." But you focused on the advantage of rural student entering university. You should develop your ideas based on the topic.
Besides, be careful for common mistakes and language problems.